On changing skins and identities

I finished writing my first novel The Antarctic Bridge!

“This summer, I’m moving and I don’t know where to.”

“I finished writing my first novel, The Antarctic Bridge.”

Two very different first sentences, to say something different, to tell of the same energy. The first one represents my old self. And the second, a new self that I’m only just getting to know. This morning, my writing feels ambivalent. I almost wrote a letter that past Lucie wrote again and again: one with convolutions, desertions, and nomad wanderings, sitting on her couch at 5 am.

It is 5 am, and I am sitting on my couch, as a last hommage, not having fully landed yet into who I’m becoming, even though it’s been years in the making.

To be in the void, to let go and become

Letting go of a past identity, to embody a fuller or newer version of ourselves is never easy, as most often, both processes happen at the same time, not offering a clean cut.

We do have the opportunity to make it easier on ourselves, by not holding on to the past, but we don’t like the discomfort that comes with the void. And yet, the void is the fertile ground to open up to new worlds, to quantum leap, to become who we are now. It is the perfect space to let fears, emotions, old ways and patterns arise; not to fix, but to observe, to feel, to let them go.

This is a tender moment, where subtle energies are at play. If we don’t pay attention, we may jump at conclusions and solutions, choosing the comfort of the old ways of doing things, instead of opening up, opening up, opening and leaving space for something newer, brighter, truer to fills the space.

It comes with waiting, it comes with patience, it comes with trust and faith, yes. I can’t tell you how long it lasts, because it’s different for every case, and every season of life. However, I can tell you that if you let yourself be in the void, feeling through what arises, instead of using the material world to fix your discomfort, the new thing, the new way, the new art, the new self will show up, and it will be more easeful, more flowy. Not to our minds, they love to fight that natural unfolding, especially if it doesn’t go how and when, we thought it had to happen.

Imagine nature saying: “No, no, no, you keep the leaves and fruits, until I can see the next bloom, because otherwise it’s never gonna happen!” Well, that’s what we are always trying to do!

To finish writing a novel, to open to new ideas

I finishing writing The Antarctic Bridge a month ago. It’s been wonderful, satisfying, blissful, and exhausting. This was a three years and a half project. I almost jumped hastily into a new project (in creative coaching), to do something with my bursting creative energy. But it wasn’t right. Now, is the time for trimming the edges of the project, letting it be seen by the agents and the outside world, for resting, for gathering up new ideas, for letting the true next idea rise up. I don’t know when it will be time to jump back in, although I have an idea of what comes next, but I know I need to be for now.

I remember finishing my Masters and my coaching certification in August 2021, finishing writing my first big fiction project (a screenplay for a feature film). I went straight into creating a creativity coaching course (which was wonderful to lead), slowly giving up on showing my writing out to the world at first disappointment, and constantly brainstorming to know what I would write next. Several ideas came, and I took a stab at all of them, until the two right ideas showed up at my door, unannounced and beautiful, a mere two months later. This was L’Envol, which would become my first book, and the idea for The Antarctic Bridge. Oh, I am so grateful to have let space for them!

To let go of a flat, to open to a new way of life

I sent in my apartment notice yesterday, and we will be travelling over the summer, before landing in our new flat. We don’t know where yet between a nearby neighbourhood, a nearby town, or another country. And it’s not important, because we are open, and the answer will come to us, in the surrender, in the open energies, full of trust and curiosity. This is easier for me, because I have done it once in full trust before, and it landed me in Edinburgh, where I’d never imagined I lived for so long.

Back then, I had to leave my sublet in Paris earlier than expected. I could have jumped at finding another flat, to keep my timing as mentally planned. I could have panicked and decided on where to move to, without soul or heart. But I didn’t. I surrendered all outcomes,

and accepted my nomadic fate, until I knew on intuition where to move. Edinburgh! It took me two months as well to know, and to start getting ready for my move. Even with the knowing, many fears arose as the pandemic delayed my move a few more months, but this was the perfect time for me to let go of my fears, to surrender, and to become the one who was gonna hold a beautiful flat in Edinburgh. This was completely new to me, as I had been nomadic beforehand, and it was important to leave space for the becoming.

To close a business, and all identities attached, to leave space to be me

I have been in the process of closing my French travel blog and business for a while. It has taken me some time for many reasons, but I hope to conclude the process in the next weeks. Beyond the material world, it has been a process of closing unneeded loops, patterns, attachments to a prior version of me - the French young adult and the nomad - who hasn’t existed in years. It should have been done long before, but I didn’t see the ‘how’, it was a tremendous task, and I was holding on to the ‘what ifs’, or rather the illusion that I had to keep a piece of me in France, to be safe. Our limitations run deeper than we think…

This definitely wasn’t a clear cut, and although, meanwhile, I have started a coaching business, to then move to a shamanic healing and writing business, I am very eager to see what energy will be released, and in what new form it will shape itself, once it’s fully released.

To let our identities crumble, because they are only characters

Beyond that, many of my identities are crumbling. These feel too raw, or personal to share, but it’s a slow realisation, that none of my identities are real, and are constructs of the mind, in the process of an awakening consciousness. Perhaps, in time, I will write about it. For these, I’m solely being curious, observant, seeing on what side of the pendulum I’m being sent, the opposite one at times of who I’d always been, to find the balance in-between, and the possibility to be all and every identity at once, in turn. The letting go is gradual, immediate, blinking, full.

Energetically, this is subtle, sometimes confusing, sometimes evident. However, in the material world, it can be easy to play with, to experiment, to release, to not redo the same thing, over and over again. Of all these clothes and objects that we hold on to, these jobs, and houses, and friends and hobbies, and don’t feel right, which one can we let go of, be open to the void, to not replace them with exactly the same thing but shinier and newer as fast as possible, and let the new and true unfold instead?

We will all play with these energies over the course of the summer, and until spring 2026, because of our beautiful Saturn. In these times, I can only share to find peace and openness in the void as much as you can, to not judge your inner pendulum, even if it seems to act out, and to let this new version of you bloom when it’d like, even if it scary, because, most probably, the old way will never again feel true and right.

As for us, we are excited to see what becomes and unfolds. It can only be bright and full of love.

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I’ll be in Edinburgh until the end of June, if you’d like to receive a shamanic healing ceremony in person, and will available online this summer, or in France, Portugal, and South Africa. Feel free to reach out here, it will be lovely to read you.

You can read an excerpt of The Antarctic Bridge here (I’ll change it soon actually, so please do have a read!)

I’ve been posting regularly on Youtube since this winter. You can find all new videos here about flow, art, and spirituality. This is my current favourite!

And last, but not least! I’ve had the honour to be interviewed by the bright Aisté, on her Substack letter Heron Guide, about finishing the novel, the creative process, shamanic healing, past lives and more. You can read or watch it here.

Heron Guide Newsletter #5

Thank you for reading,

I wish you the brightest summer, full of peace, joy, love and new discoveries

xx

With much love,

Lucie Alma Aidart