Pages of sunshine and editing pages: October 2024
Feeling, writing and being the sun
(Pour les francophones, j’ai oublié dans ma dernière lettre en Français deux liens à découvrir:
Un article (sur abonnement) dans Ouest-France sur le burnout en voyage
Une dernière vidéo en Français: Mon parcours d’autrice et Chiron ci-dessous)
Pages of sunshine: A writer’s life in Scotland
This Alma writer letter was inspired by V.E. Schwab monthly letter, that I thoroughly enjoy reading. Not to say this will be a regular format or occurence over here, but I feel this is what the month of October 2024 is calling for. I’m often inspired by formats and ideas from other creatives, but I also know that, for me, it’s part of a creative exploration, and not a model, structure, that I will follow through forever.
As darkness falls at 4pm, I find myself sitting and writing on my couch, watching the grey clouds and sky turning into night, a rejuvenation clay mask drying on my face. I love autumn light, its gentle fall into the darkness, and how it gives me an impression of perpetual night, or day. I have done this so many times over the past four years and a half. And yet, I can never fully take stock of the fact this is where life brought me after meandering years, and that I ended up becoming a writer in Scotland. This sounds romantic, and in many ways it is. In many others, it lacks the grandeur and success that I thought I would have reached by now. However, today, I’m here to talk about the light, I choose to talk about the light, instead in falling in the pitfall of only sharing about the struggles and obstacles. I’m coming to the page today to talk about sunshine, to share happy musings, to contemplate the light we may come to find, if, when we stop staring at the dark.
Yogi Tea being way too sassy…
After much of a dark, stagnant and misty year, after starting to be really pissed at the weather here, and craving light and sun, after just a couple of days of hot weather in the North of Scotland in beautiful Elgin in September, October came to turn everything upside down, bringing sun, warmth, hope, and reaching out for joy.
Writing in my favourite spot in the sun
Over the past year, on the side to my writing my novel, I’ve applied to many grants, awards, jobs, residencies, I tried to start several projects, to gain momentum, and to find my way through another year of being a writer and healer. In many planes, I have been unsuccessful. In others, I have grown so much. As I wiped away the tears of frustration, delved into the peace of a last rejection, I settled in the letting go, in the void of the fall, in the stillness, and in the time opening up by me focusing solely on my writing, as nothing else seemed to pan out. There comes a point that if you want different results, you have to do something different, and stillness and focus has been my choice. This realisation and acceptance opened the door for more time to be spent in life, in light, in joy, in learning, a beautiful relief, after a lot of emotions throughout the year.
I started the month by participating daily in Sophia Sessions by Bella Lively, a sort of ‘church’ or ‘gym’ for the intuition, the soul, the emotions, which had the fabulous result of bringing my vibration high up, my peace abound and my joy limitless, no matter what life was throwing. I believe that it was the main reason why the month went so smoothly, in body, in mind, in soul. At the same time, I pursued my studies in shamanism, which came with a lot of growth and transmuting as well. This is my energetic context, and as for the physical…
The sun was indulgent in Edinburgh, and finally came back, after, let’s be honest, a year of hiding. I spent a lot of last year away in Canada, and since our return, the sun has been a great absent. This meant that I could finally go back outside in my favourite spot to write, facing Arthur’s Seat, and that we could enjoy walks, being outside, and get some light in our pupils.
Our month was also filled with beautiful events, workshops and socialisig
Cinema first, with Coldplay’s album launch (very so so) and The Outrun, a beautiful film about addiction, healing and Orkney, which I was really much looking forward to it and loved.
We also took part in a very serious, but interesting workshop about incorporating from Creative Circles. I had the chance to read a new poem at a poetry event at the French Institute, which led us to meet a lovely French writer, Mathilde Gal, who was doing research for her third novel, and Olivier closed off the month with singing at an Open Mic. We got to go back to the Pianodrome in its new location, for lifegarden’s album launch, and enjoyed a performance about ADHD during the Storytelling festival.
I played with the past and the future, and ended up walking to places I had been long ago and forgotten, and to new places, I had weirdly never heard about.
I walked from the writing studio to Cramond under beautiful fall colours.
We climbed our neighbouring hills a couple of times, once to try to catch a comet, but only to witness a spectacular rising full moon, and a team of Samhain actors preparing for their annual event.
I ended up in Rosslyn Chapel - yes the place of the Da Vinci Code - for unknown reasons at first, only to realise that I found there the answers I wanted to look for in Paris for the end of the novel. This led me on another beautiful walk and shamanic journey, and to a writing transe, but I’ll say more in the next section of this letter.
And then, on a simple mention from a friend, we jumped on a train to The Hermitage in Dunkeld and Birkam, for a lovely fall day out in a beautiful forest and village.
This seems like a lot, and not so much either. The month of October was under the cover of the energy of numerological year 3 for me, in the midst of a slow and often frustrating year 2, which I definitely felt strongly. It was creative, playful, joyful, open, light, and often spent out in the world. A big part of me wishes my whole life was like that, which I chased for many years prior to moving to Edinburgh, as a travel nomad following only the sun, but this comes with a price, with burning out, as cycles and seasons, of body and nature, are holding us for a reason. Food for thought, when I miss the hype of going out all the time… And yet, I can’t wait for my numerological year 3!
This month has been particularly sunny and bright, showing me again, that the world around me is perceived through my own lens and the emotions I bring to the table are the creator of my world. And I don’t ever want to forget that. Or at least, I’ll try not to. My inner sun is a compass for a bright life, no matter the outer circumstances.
On this, this video speaks of reading and playing a part in different books and stories:
Pages, pages, pages!
This month, this fall, as ever for the past few years, I’ve been stepping more and more into my writer’s role, letting go, as I could, of all protective mechanisms, limiting beliefs and limitations, limiting me in my craft, in the time spent writing and sabotaging me in oh so subtle ways.
This month, I have accepted to be more and more messy in my writing and in my drafts. As I’m editing draft 3 and letting it be as disorganized as it shall be, I’ve also started to work on the beginning of draft 4, on paper, allowing myself this time to focus on style, grammar and repetitions, as well as slowly fixing issues and my own comments in my current draft. A lot remains to be done, and it feels very chaotic at the moment, but at the same time, I can also see the end of this draft, and the whole process, slowly approaching. I’m still in the thick of it, but, I can see the end nearing.
This is why I’ve been compulsively and greedily reading on Antarctica as much as I can get my hands : mostly written accounts from writer’s in residence, a few scientific popularisation books, and I have started to dive into the first explorers accounts. I get a lot of joy out of this readings, and get here and there a few interesting facts to clean up the details around the shape of my novel.
This month, I’ve been mostly editing the novel, while starting to bring shape to a common performance I will do at the end of November with my partner in life, love and healing, Olivier Esposito.
I had the joy to experience a book writing transe in Rosslyn, where I sat with my computer and just starting typing and flowing into the last chapter of the book. This felt great, to finally understand every side of the story and have the whole story on the page.
At the 3-year mark of starting the novel, some doubts and fears are creeping in. I’m seeing again awards, grants and residencies for emerging writers that I applied to last year, and it’s a bit depressing to feel like not much in the outer world has changed for my writing career. Yet. But I remind myself of the progress done on the manuscript, and that every day, every word, every step counts just as much as any outward facing recognition.
And that’s it. It’s been a busy life month, and a fairly busy editing month, but mostly a sunny and joyful month, and that deserved to be written down.
If you’d like to get in the groove of editing with me over the fall, and in the sun, and enjoy a cowriting, cocreating, accountability session, here’s two of them from my month:
Come and see our healing performance in Edinburgh
With Olivier, we are putting out a healing performance, Lava Rocks, at Tills & Company in Portobello, on 30th of November at 6pm.
It will be an hour of poetry, music, intuitive music and text and of collective healing practices, to connect ourselves to our inner light, power and love.
It’s a free community event, part of Fair Saturday Scotland. We’d love to see you there!
Till then, sending you sunshine, hope and bright days while the light wanes,
With much love,
Lucie Alma Aidart